you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
