Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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