i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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