im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
