All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
