Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
