if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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