he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
