Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
