maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
