Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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