wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
