I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
