If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
