Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
