so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
