I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
These tits shall not be calmed
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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