we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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