Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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