worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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