my vag is so smooth its legendary
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
