Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I cockslap morals
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
