Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
