can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
