I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
