He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
