it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So apparently I’m into choking now
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