This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
