my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
