Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Randomize
