and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
