just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
