i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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