there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
