i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Houston, we have a squirter
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
