I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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