She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
