on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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