its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't put those talents on a resume
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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