you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
