It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
