apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My life is pants optional.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
