Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
