He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
