I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
