I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
