Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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