$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
