you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
