oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
