dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
