I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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