Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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