I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
