oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
